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Friday, 10 March 2017

Depression

Too sick to even go to the doctor today...

I wish I could just die and get it over with.

I'm no use to anyone anymore.

I so envy people who are strong.  I think it's always been a false front that I've shown to the world, but depression is a non visible thing that strangles the life out of its sufferers in private.

And no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, or that I haven't tried.  It's just been such a long hard pretence, that I'm worn out and now that I've grown old, I can't see a way out.

Along the way I've been met with extraordinary kindness. Much more kindness, in fact, than the opposite, so I've been fortunate.

This little diary has helped, but as I look back through it I can see the harm I've done to other people, so I must be reaping what I've sown.

I am judged and found wanting.

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