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Sunday, 25 December 2016

In which the Christmas conversation is had with Aged P...

LO    Merry  Christmas Mother!

AP    That bloody Polish girl next door was running up and down until quarter to twelve. Don't Polish children walk?

LO    I don't know. I expect they were having their Christmas celebrations. They celebrate on Christmas  eve.  Anyway, did you get your parcel?

AP   It's white! I wanted a colour. I can't wear that it's too heavy and its got a hood and its fluffy on the outside.

(The requested bath robe has clearly not been well received)

LO   I thought you wanted a bath robe.

AP   Yes, but not a white one or a fluffy heavy one with a hood. I'm not wearing that so I'll give you the money for it and Kate only bought me a mug with sachets in it. Everyone got me the wrong wine and the Egyptians next door are still in bed.

LO   I don't want the money for it. It's your Christmas present.  It's from Marks and Spencer and it was the nicest one I could afford.

AP   Well I can't wear that with my arm and bloody Eileen bought me two tops I don't like and I'll have to come home early because she drinks Lambrusco and watches Eastenders.

LO   I thought you liked the soaps. If you don't like the bathrobe take it back and change it.

AP   Oh I can't be bothered with that now the Muslims have changed the busses. Have you got chicken?

LO   No I've gone for the individual Turkey Twizzler dinner for one. I won't be doing much anyway I've got to work tomorrow.

AP   I've got two bloody pairs of slippers and a load of chocolate and I can't even wear me best trousers because bloody Eileen's rescued a cat. I'm not eating sprouts or I'll be on the bog all day. I'm putting the radio on loud to wake them Polish people next door.  Do you know, there were thousands in Asda yesterday with trolleys piled six foot high and I only wanted a pork pie. Oh, Ange is here, I'll give her that pink wine, bye.

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