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Thursday, 24 November 2016

In which the Admiral turns chef...

One, now arriving home at some ungodly hour, on a nightly basis from the Purveyor of Fine Grocery Items, has afforded the Admiral a key to the Underground Lair in order that he can pursue his love of turning fine ingredients into unpalatable gunk...

Having been party to the hissy fit that ensued, upon One and the wife of one of his chums, offering our advice on the manufacturing improvement of his legendary Shepherd's Pie, One feels it unwise to offer further gems of wisdom re any fecking foodstuffs actually, One has taken to leaving notes containing explicit instruction and then legging it, tout sweet.

Having previously prepared and part cooked a sumptuous beef stew, One left instruction as to the addition of the, two ingredient, dumplings to be flopped in before One's return.

Leaving out the Atora suet and self raising flour, One imagined the instruction: 'make dumplings' would suffice.

Like feck it did!

Upon entry into the outer foyer, a delicious aroma wafted under the door of the Lair.

'Mmmmm, all is well,' thought One, but no, upon entry, One found the Admiral staggering about the galley with grey slurry dripping from the front of his spectacles...

Upon further investigation the aforementioned slurry was dripping from the walls, the ceiling and covering sundry items within a two yard residence.

'What on earth are you doing?' enquired One, lugging off me Uggs.

'Making the dumplings,' countered he, brandishing a balloon whisk that had been beating the be-Jesus out of the slurry being concocted in my painting-water jug.
At least the fact that he'd used my paint stained water container explained the other-wordly, blue hue of the dumpling slurry.

'You only need to lightly mix the suet and flour with enough water to form little balls,' offered One.
'Well, I didn't know that,' huffed he, returning the balloon whisk to the vessel and continuing the massacre of the ingredients.

One retired to the drawing room with a fag and Vodka laced Red Bull.

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