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Wednesday, 27 July 2016

In which One rabbits, rabbits, rabbits...

That's me, that is, Dear Reader...
Or, with any luck it will be in about three hours...
More on that story later...

                                                                             ~

There he stood, Lovely Gordon, peering through the locked gates, brandishing a half eaten Tesco Finest lasagne, looking like a partially ironed Greek God, summoning One to the crack with his free hand...
'Oh fer feck's sake!' intoned One under One's breath, 'what the feck does he want?'
After all, One had just dragged One's crumbling torso up the 1:2 slope to the Underground Lair following a twelve and a half hour shift at the Shit-Face...
'It's still warm,' said he proffering the fayre, 'I wondered if you and the Admiral, if he's visiting, might like it for tea.'
One flolloped toward the gate bemoaning One's fate and churlishly spurning the scoff and telling the cove that One had a portion of the Co-op's finest (marked down and 'still fresh') of course, breaded mushrooms and spicy wedges, thank you very much!
The rejected blighter about-faced and slunk off up the passage, calling over his shoulder...
'remember there are people who love you,' causing One to feel like a curmudgeonly old bint.

One has made amends by offering the cove to make free with One's herb pot on One's day off.

                                                                              ~

Yesterday was an amusing interlude by anyone's standards...
The 'Music Man' visited and off we all shuffled to the walled garden.
A sprightly looking octagenarian, wearing the shiniest shoes One has ever seen, appeared brandishing a ukulele and transported us all back to the 1940's with a medley of George Formby songs.
Who the feck would remember all that old toffee is quite beyond One.
The assembled throng shrieked, charged back and forth and generally went wild for the blighter: flapping, rocking and bouncing etc...
One of our more able and mobile charges who has a penchant for having a bit of a tidy thought she'd nip in the summerhouse and unplug the blighter's amplifier.  So there, he stood bereft of his backing track and looking a tad confused.
Every time he looked away she tidied his sheet music back into his back and shot off over the grass looking rather pleased with herself.
This set the tone for the afternoon...
Halfway through 'Run Rabbit Run' One observed One's only vocal charge sporting a gravity defying dewdrop on the end of her nose and a veritable river of tears cascading down her wizened cheeks.
'Whatever's up gel?' enquired One.
'I miss my rabbit,' cried she.
One, looking bemused, turned to One's colleague for explanation.
'Oh she had a rabbit and broke it's neck by cuddling it too hard,' explained she.
One, who can be a vicious, brutal old bint, thought this to be highly amusing, but comforted the poor old stick nonetheless with a concerned look hovering about One's face.
Eventually, calm returned...
But then...
'We're going to have a Chaz and Dave singalong now,' announced the Music Man.
'Oh feck a duck,' thought One and as if it were written in the wind, off he went with...
'Rabbit, rabbit,rabbit, rabbit,'....
One deemed it best to wheel the distressed damsel out of earshot...






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