Google+ Followers

Follow by Email

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

In which One is a Viking without a pineapple ring...

That's me that is, Dear Reader, (see above), in me new Viking Dressing Up outfit from the pound shop...

'Whyfor you are dressed as a Viking, Lovely One?' I hear you enquire, Dear Reader.

Well, it's like this...

Yesterday, apropos of nothing, the theme of the conversation in the Residents' Lounge alighted upon Vikings.  It all began with one of One's co workers regaling all with the story of the Viking Burial afforded her deceased hamster.  Apparently the little furry stiffy had been bundled into an empty ice-lolly box, set aboard a makeshift longboat, had a lighted fag end hurled in and set sail upon the Bridgwater Canal.
'Want to say a few words?' enquired the co workers significant other, 'Yes,' said she 'I fancy a ninety-nine.'

Any road up this tragic tale led on to One learning a new fact of the day...

'I'm watching Vikings on the telly,' piped up a newly engaged bod, 'They discovered England, you know, and when they got here they burnt down all the Churches because their Gods were actually all humans.'

The things you see when you've left yer Kalashnikov in yer other handbag, Dear Reader.  Anyway, short of setting a pistol to the side of me head, I made my excuses and went off to tend the laundry, rather than listen to the inane babble.

Upon my return the conv had moved on to the week's Asda order...

'Anyone want anything special?' asked the chef.  Following the usual requests for Larks tongues in Aspic, Vodka and other such delights not allowed on the premises, someone requested pineapple rings...

It made One recall a recent going-on in the Underground Lair...

One had acquired a pineapple corer and slicer for 50p at the local charity shop.  Needless to say One then required a 'pound pineapple' from the Co op, and had left same in the galley for future consumption.

The Admiral, on one of his visits from the Home for Bewildered Seamen, had alighted upon same and opted to try out the device.  'Twould appear that he had placed a pineapple ring on the end of his duffel-bag willy, anointed it with squirty cream and sat in his bath chair awaiting One's arrival home from the Shit-Face.

'Well, where is it then?' quizzed One. 
'It looked so nice, I ate it myself,' says he, licking squirty cream off his gnarled digits and positioning the standard issue Royal Navy blankie over his duffel-bag. 

No comments: