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Sunday, 12 June 2016

In which double denim is never a good look...

One didn't want it. One didn't ask for it. But, 'twould appear One's fecking got to 'ave it anyway.
Windows Fecking ten.
There it was nestled into me pooter and flashing up views various accompanied by the enquiry 'like what you see?'
No! I fecking don't!
If I want to see a fecking great tree I'll look in the back garden. If I want to peruse a pond I'll nip down the duck pond at the Shit-Face!
What I want to see on me screen saver is ferzackerly what I put there: a picture of boy and his mate!
AND stop sending me messages telling me someone just signed into my account. It was meeeee you over-zealous American busybodies.
Then, to put the tin fecking hat on it, I can't fecking sign in.
Just when I realised that funny things are actually happening that should be blogged without delay, my pooter 'doesn't recognise me'
The Kindle does though! Ha ha, scuppered you Microsoft meddling, annoying fecking unwashed, beardy-boy bastards.
Any road up, One has come to realise, as aforementioned, things amusing are actually happening, but One has evolved into a short-tempered, morose old harridan.
'How so?' One hears you enquire, Dear Reader, 'when you lead such a glamorous life, knee deep in snot and shite.'
Whatever was One thinking when One eschewed the bohemian world of art for the frustrating, underpaid, filthy world of 'care'
OK, it is a regular wage, such as it is, but a month's money only lasts two weeks.
So, there One was, minding One's own bees-tiddly-wax, counting loose change in the bottom of me satchel yesterday in the Co op, seeing if I'd got enough for a pint of pinot to drown me sorrows.....
One looked up and caught sight of Lovely Gordon pondering the £9.99 bottles, and sporting.....
Never a good look. Particularly in the over 65 category.

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