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Thursday, 14 May 2015

In which One invents The Toffee Onion...

One has inadvertently invented a new culinary delight: The Toffee Onion.
'Let's go down the pub,' said the A of the F when One biffed in, all soggy and moist from mopping up in the Underground Lair.
'Ok' agreed One ' but I just want to assemble a caramelized onion and goats cheese tart for when we get back.'
'Off you go then' says he and sunk back into his moss green velour elderly gentleman's recliner.
One, tart assembled, applied a swipe of Apricot Amour lippy to One's gob and off we biffed.
'I'll have some of that' says One, indicating toward the Cloudy Cider pump and the barman poured One a pint, obv not noticing that One was the fine boned Aristocratic type that required it in a Georgian tear-drop glass.
Any road up 'twould have been churlish in the extreme to complain, so One dutifully inhaled it.
Upon our return to the Manor, One bunged the tart in the Aga and settled down on the Louis Cans in the withdrawing room.
Falling under the spell of Sean Bean who was Sharping it up on the telly, One forgot the tart.
Well, for goodness sake, Dear Reader, if One woke up to find Sean Bean unbuttoning One's shimmy-shirt, like the gormless bint on the telly, One wouldn't have screamed me tent down.
'Oooh that smells nice' said the A of the F when One finally remembered to rescue the charred offering from the At a.
Sadly the aroma of the aforementioned tart belied the flavour and its adhesive ability in the cementing together of the top and bottom molars.
Hence, the birth of the 'Toffee Onion' a delicacy One would advise to be consumed by persons in possession of tip top teeth.

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