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Tuesday, 21 April 2015

In which One is positively Saintly…


Good Morning, Dear Reader…

Am completely reformed character, with actual job and feeling saintly, see above

Am actually quite good at aforementioned job and am now fully acquainted with all the moves to ‘non violently crisis intervene’.

Have met many new persons who are completely alien to One except in the alcohol and fag department.  Anyway, all an adventure for One having spent a goodly amount of time in solitary confinement with One’s easel.(where One would still be if all you selfish bastards would spend your hard earned cash on One’s doings instead of paying your rent)

Up and in the garden with breakfast espresso and fag at 5.30am in order not to waste any of day off. Would have been before that, but fifteen minutes were required to re-assemble cafetiere that new lodger had taken apart to wash.  Didn’t even know it came apart.

Must shove off to bank what remains of month’s rent in order that One can address at least one of the demands for payment from the mountainous pile of unpaid bills

Yesterday was busy laundering all massive clothing to bung on ebay (having lost buckets of lard from body since met the A of the F.)

During process realised what a marvlious personage the Admiral of the Fleet actually is…

Not only was One a complete biffer when One met him but One had all that tumour nonsense going on and the post menopausal leakage requiring One to constantly be followed by a serf with a bucket and mop. 

Man must be saint – indeed!

All down to his patience when dragging the previously gargantuan One up hill and down dale when One had to stop at every bench on wayside for a huff and puff.  Now, One positively canters up v steep hill in style of mountain goat.

Must remove all super-floo-us hair (grows from weird and previously hair-free areas when one is a bit old) and soak gusset floss in bucket of Cilit Bang Grime and Lime in preparation for his imminent return.



Am currently awaiting a visit from the newly returned Wood Nymph, all bronzed and shiny from Puerto Rico. 

No doubt as we speak, Dear Reader, she will be submerged in a claw-footed bath somewhere in a stately home with Lord B…

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