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Wednesday, 8 April 2015

In which One is kipping in splendour…

straw bed

bedroom 1

One, currently wearing the ‘hair shirt’ of life in most areas, usually sleeps in the straw truckle bed, whilst offering to the completely disinterested public, the spare room, see above.

However, feeling smug in the extreme following almost three whole week’s work One decided to throw caution to the wind, and in reckless abandon rewarded Oneself with a kip in comfort and splendour.

One has had what is known as a ‘day off.’  Having had aforementioned ‘day off’ One has realised that One has been enjoying ‘days off’ continually since 1991.

If only you selfish bastards would keep on buying One’s paintings instead of clothing and feeding your ghastly offspring, One could return to One’s previous cushy little number instead of biffing about tending to the sick and needy who invariably repay One’s kindness by biting/biffing/bashing One.

Any road up, One spent One’s ‘day off’ knocking up a masterpiece – YES! HAVE GOT A COMMISSION! – and then deep cleaning the kitchen.

Have just learnt what ‘deep cleaning’ is – they do it at work apparently.

Any road up, rather than just wiping the surfaces One could see and shoving everything unsightly into the cupboard under the sink, One dunnit proper, like what them girls does at work.

Feeling saintly and fulfilled One cleared off down the hill to surprise BF and partake of a couple of sneaky fags up the top of her garden, but the back door was shut,  indicating no one at home.

Ferkled about in the garden clearing up a year’s worth of goo left by SIT and listened to the goings on from the other flats. 

Feel left out by life living alone and not only that, but have woken up having morphed into some massive snot-producing dollop blowing One’s nose to no avail in the manner of an enormous heffalump.


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