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Wednesday, 25 March 2015

In which One would appear to be old…


Very well, Dear Reader, One has been attempting to learn stuff for a whole week.  One is currently being stored during daylight hours in Sir’s office, so as not to be too distracted by the sensory overload of the goings on all around One.

One was horrified in the extreme yesterday when trawling through a tome on ‘Discrimination in the Work Place’ and One discovered the ‘Ageism’ chapter: the example woman was YOUNGER THAN ONE.

‘Tis a salutary lesson for One and later on today One shall be building a bonfire in the back yard to set fire to all of One’s inappropriate clothing i.e. leggings, short tie-back dresses, Uggs, in fact, everything One owns.

In future One shall mostly be wearing high-necked acrylic sweaters with sensible knee length check skirts and Hotter shoes. 

One’s topics of conv shall revolve around grandchildren, crochet and sweet sherry.

One shall cease, forthwith, rolling One’s own fags and getting rat-arsed every Friday night.

One shall ditch the hair straighteners and the ‘Lightest Baby Blonde’ L’Oreal and revert to a short grey bubble perm.

One shall immediately stop behaving in a manner unsuitable for a woman of One’s age and lead a quiet, spiritual life of moderation.

Off to buy a copy of Woman’s Own to read at break time.


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