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Tuesday, 3 March 2015

In which One is a starfish…


Off we biffed with a map, obv in a spesh waterproof shoulder bag, (the A of the F has all the accoutrement required for any outing) up the hill at the end of the interminable drive…

‘Why don’t you wear your wellies today?’ enquired the A afore we set off, ‘you haven’t been wearing the wakkin bwts round the house like I told you to.’

One, ever the accommodating sort, got the wellies out of the car and put them on.

‘They’re not as comfy as the boots,’ complained One.

‘Right, that’s it,’ says he ‘I’m not giving you any more advice.  You do what you want!’

One would have worn the boots then, even if One suffered in the manner of the little mermaid who, trading in her tail for human feet, felt as though she were walking on broken glass, and all to follow her handsome prince.

Any road up, we followed the ‘Public Footpath’ signs and found ourselves yomping across farmlands various, right past people’s kitchen windows.

‘Let’s go down and follow the river,’ says One, and so we did.

Possibly a tad rash, considering the amount of rain we’ve had lately, as One was sucked into the boggy terrain and One’s boots were seriously breached.

Arriving home, covered in mud and precipitation, One enquired of the A, apropos of nothing, ‘do you think we might end up living together one day?’

‘I can’t think beyond the next day, I don’t know,’ said the A helpfully, ‘you might change, and I might not like it.’

Now, since One has been reading ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,’ One has become aware that this behaviour is atypical, particularly for the older cove who’s been ‘done wrong’ afore.

Anyway, One’s track record in this department is exceedingly poor, but ever the optimist, One would, Pollyanna like, do it all again.

Whilst writing this little entry, One is watching a scientific cove investigating rock pools on the the telly.  Recently, the limpet has been discovered to have the strongest grip in the world, but  One is at this very mo observing a star fish prizing one off a rock.

Take note, Admiral of the Fleet…

Limpet – that’s you that is

Starfish – that’s me that is

One shall prize you off your lonely rock and when One does, you will grumble and complain and say One made you do it, but you will be a compliant limpet to my starfish.

AND One shan’t consume you, well, not in one sitting anyway…

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