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Thursday, 5 March 2015

In which One is a fat, flollopy dollop…

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That’s me, that is, Dear Reader, having a V Bad Hair Day…

It all began so well…

BF positively scampered up the hill without the aid of drugs of any kind, twirling her walking pole like a teenage cheerleader.

One, having been at the pooter attempting to obtain gainful employment was still in One’s jim-jams and so leapt into the shaaaar and never bothered straightening One’s hair upon alighting.

Bunging the unruly, sheep-like Barnet * into a lazzy band, we commenced, or rather One commenced, bleating on about the injustice of life in general, and One’s in particular.

Poor, Dear, BF must be sick to the summit of One moaning on about stuff, but she manfully takes it on the chin as the Underground Lair is her fag smoking hidey hole.

‘BFP nearly caught me yesterday,’ says she dragging on a Capstan Full Strength like her life depended upon it.

‘You two must think we’re a pair of right looking eejits,’ says the A of the F, ‘of course he knows you smoke!’

Any road up, the day progressed with One bunging all of One’s ball gowns on EBay in order to afford food in the coming weeks before One gets shoved into the gutter when the Underground Lair is repossessed for non payment of the mortgage.

A tad sad to see some of the frivolous, chiffon and lace creations go to a loving home, but One has shrunk a bit of late, what with all the being dragged screaming around fourteen acre woods.

However…

One discovered half a box of wine in the bottom cupboard and fell upon it like a Hyena on a carcass…

Having eaten v sensibly throughout the day things rapidly deteriorated…

Pre wine box

porridge

small chicken salad

During and Après wine box

Half a packet of cream crackers (without butter)

(washed down with wine)

a handful of crushed nuts (left over from the Valentine’s truffle  making extravaganza)

A bag of microwave popcorn

(brief sojourn in scoffing to pick the bits out of me teeth)

An enormous slice of Jamaican Ginger Cake (baked by One to a Delia recipe) I bet that smug moo’s ginger bits never all sunk to the bottom like One’s.

And…

When the cupboard was completely bare, One scoffed the syrup preserved stem ginger straight out of the jar.

Hence…

One now looks like a fat, flollopy dollop.

AND…

One had to cut the lazzy band out, see below…

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* Barnett Fair – Hair

Cockney rhyming slang – Michael

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