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Sunday, 8 February 2015

In which One attends a village quiz night...

One spent last evening in a parallel universe, or, as stated on the sign outside, East Down Village Hall.
The day of the much vaunted Annual Quiz and Fish and Chip Supper had arrived. Ostensibly to raise money for the local hunt, the shambolic event also serves as a fitting occasion to get thoroughly lashed.
The evening began with a sub-zero stroll, lit by a million stars, down the lane, with an oft sharpish leap into the hedge to avoid being flattened by a flotilla of four by fours.
We took up our seats, the eight of us, and emptied our alcohol stash onto the table. With enough beer, gin, wine and absinthe to fell the second Panza division, the evening began with a tray of mud and horse shite coated items being passed round for identification.
The Quiz master, whose Devon accent was such that One and the A of the F could only make out one in three words, manfully biffed through forty questions as a herd of village fillies delivered the fish and chips that was being prepared in a van in the car park.
The proceedings took around four hours and consequently the entire assemblage was rat arsed when the time came to announce the winning team.
Having downed our supply of alcohol, it was with much 'hurrahing' that our team won a dubious looking bottle of Latvian Laughing Water, in the raffle that topped us up sufficiently for the stumble down the never ending driveway to the Manor.
The Quiz Master, having spent an inordinately long time asking his questions, inexplicably ran out of momentum half way through the scoring, put on his coat, wished the assembled crowd a fond goodnight and cleared off, thus never actually declaring the results.
Having established that this was par for the course, everyone got ackled up in their Barbours and drifted back to their vast swathes of the North Devon countryside to attend to their beasts until the day of the Sixties Disco, when the tin baths come down off the scullery wall in order to make ready for the next social event on the calendar.

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