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Thursday, 8 January 2015


je suis charlie

One has a telephone…  Ta Da

The Pinkster rocked up with One’s antique quilts, bog mats, bedding etc that Sit had soiled.…

Fortunately, she had her ‘bitch’ with her in the shape of the marvlious  Hubbster.

One had spent two whole fecking days attempting to connect One’s phone…

Three seconds after the Hubbster’s arrival, it’s all tickety boo.

‘I flippin’ love him!’ opined One.

‘I know!’ says the Pinkster ‘He’s fab isn’t he? And he’s all mine’

You see, Dear Reader, that’s what happens when One hasn’t got a man on the permanent staff – stuff doesn’t get fixed!

The A of the F is a frequent visitor, and darned handy he is too, in departments various,  but One hasn’t been able to entice him into permanent occupation.

‘Are you surprised Lovely One?’ One hears you chorus, ‘with your reputation for bolting?’

Well, I guess you’re correct, Dear Reader, One has been a notoriously unreliable life partner in the past, but that’s just it – THE PAST.

Any road up, met The Artisan’s Friend up the town who imparted information even more terrible than the ‘no nail polish in hospital’ rule that BF came up with.


Forage up me twinkle

deploy the box brownie

bung me feet in the stirrups

confiscate me phone and me tablet

ATTEMPT TO TAKE OFF ME FACE AND ME NAIL POLISH and you’ll get a Chinese burn on the willy – at the very least

‘Blimey!’ said the Doctor, ‘I can’t believe you’ve had two hysteroscopies without an anaesthetic! You must be a tough old broad!’

Tough old broad – bollicks!  Pain, One can handle, but One will deffo require a general anaesthetic to have One’s make up removed!!!!!!

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