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Monday, 29 December 2014

In which One is full of the seasons goodwilly…


The speed with which One packed and vacated the Manor yesterday, and the state of One’s Vile-ex-Husband (see above) are doing little to show One in a favourable light as a life partner to the A of the F.

I know, I know, Dear Reader, One is a seasoned bolter, a notorious numbty in the relationship arena, and a really, really hopeless judge of character…

BUT One simply ADORES the A of the F, who appears to accept One with all One’s flaws and imperfections (haven’t got any really, obv, but for the sake of the story let’s assume I have)

Whatever we do or say to one another it doesn’t change a thing and we are a tiny team of war-wounded warriors against the world.

Speaking of wounded…

One favours the ‘Chinese burn on the willy’ as a suitable punishment for Vile-ex-husband’s misdemeanours but One hasn’t unpacked the Marigolds as yet, so had to punch him in the face.

One, never having encountered a situation that violence couldn’t solve, is sore afraid that One may have tainted Boy’s view of womankind.  The Christmas card he sent One had the greeting…

‘May your Christmas be filled with peace and happiness’

BUT, Boy had crossed out ‘peace’ and replaced it with ‘beating the shit out of everyone’

As if a fragrant confection of loveliness like One, all ackled up in me chiffon tea-dress and Manolos would bash anyone up?

Well maybe the odd one or two…


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