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Monday, 15 December 2014

In which One does a Dozzer...

In order to have a weekend that couldn't be blighted by bad news, One turned off One's phone and remained incognito for the duration.
The plan worked a treat until last night, One couldn't sleep for the proliferation of ghastly imaginings, so at 5.30 a.m. One pressed the button of terror.
Silence prevails. Obv, when they said 'two weeks' they actually meant 'two weeks'
One really does feel that ten weeks of torturous waiting for the definitive answer is rather too long.
The vast quantities of Pinot that have been consumed and the overflowing ash trays will render One, and indeed, the A of the F, the lucky recipients of at least one lifestyle disease, by the time the verdict is read out.
One was distracted by the marvelious man of the moment by the acquisition of some gloriously tacky Christmas decorations.
'I don't dismind the blue fairy lights' says he bunging them in the basket afore One could tell him that 'Christmas is red, green and gold and New Year is silver, purple and blue.'
No matter, obv years of flashing blue lights have coloured his life.
When the decorations were up One went all Dozzer Day and repaired to the kitchen in me pinny to knock up a pot roast for supper.
There were no complaints, tips for future visits to the kitchen, or otherwise unfavourable comments...
Until the A cleared off to make a cup of tea, whereupon, One heard him shriek...
'What the feck happened in here?'
One supposes it does look a bit like someone threw a hand grenade in, but hey, One can't make a pot roast without cracking pots, can One.

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