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Saturday, 21 June 2014

In which buns are inhaled…


That, Dear Reader is Beakery Duncan.  ‘Tis a shot from the Church at Selworthy, bunged in ‘ere to demonstrate to you, assembled throng, how high the Masterful Gentleman made One climb in One’s new, bondage, walking boots.

‘See over there,’ indicated MG, ‘That’s Burn ‘em-on-Sea, and Twinkly Point and a bit further on is Whales.’

Obv., One was being taken up the Quantocks at the time, and the above view is of somewhere called The Brenda’s Hills, but no matter, Dears, all fecking hills look exactly the same to One, and the sight of one looming in front of One is enough to make One hyper ventilate.

However, One simply adores the MG and if dragging One up a 1:10 gives him pleasure then the least One can do is put One’s perfectly manicured and shod, foot forward.

Atop a grassy mound One made a significant and ghastly discovery…

Well, two discoveries actually…

One espied an abundant ground-covering of what looked exactly like what One has been cultivating in One’s little ornamental herb garden.  What One has been cutting and feeding to Lovely Gordon is not in fact, chives, but a rather brutish, spear-like ornamental grass.  The consumption of which might go some way to explain the recent need to tarry on hill-tops like a goat.

The other discovery, made after One collapsed in a gasping heap next the MG, was the abundance of animal shite that One had scooped up with the open-toes of One’s bondage walking boots.

One has espied that Chris Packam bloke off ‘Countryfile’ getting all steamed up about the identification of shite various.  He looks like the sort of chap One could happily pass an afternoon with lying in the ornamental grasses whilst he gently eased, and identified, all manner of grisly doings from between One’s toes.

This aforementioned tryst should be heeded by the MG who, despite offering to bathe One’s toes in a babbling brook, merely dragged One back down the slope, informed One it was ‘tea time’ sped One off to ‘Who put the Dull in Dulverton,’ ordered tea and buns and proceeded to inhale MY BUN as well as his own!


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