Throughout the land, in dull villages just like this one, sad little individuals are positively elbowing one another into the traffic in order to bring themselves to the attention of unsuspecting collectors of lame ducks.
Just such a collector is Lovely One…
‘Here comes one,’ would opine One’s co-worker, ‘He looks like a weird loser. Go and capture him for your collection.’
One would indeed spring into action, and, whatever ailed the poor article, One would try One’s hardest to mend.
BUT NOT ANY FECKING MORE – SUCKERS!
One is not here to assist the errant/sober the inebriated/lick the wounded/buy winter coats for shivering Vile ex Husbands/take old people shopping/generally smile a beatific smile on the damned or shag any old git not of One’s choosing.
NO NO AND THRICE NO
For the remainder of One’s sojourn upon this planet, One will be ‘filling One’s Uggs’ with personal satisfaction and pirated treasure.
BEWARE – TIMBERS SHOULD BE SHIVERING