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Monday, 12 May 2014

In which One is frit to death by an amusing cove…

In these lean middle years there is seldom a requirement for a ‘double blog’ day…

TODAY IS JUST SUCH A DAY

One had intended to finish the Exmouth Marina painting and then attempt to put One’s groaning burden of debt into order. 

But, following the new profile on POF One had a short communique from a devastatingly interesting cove who One would have definitely broken the ‘three date’ rule for, should One have been a young One.

Several messages later One threw caution to the wind and emailed One’s actual number, the direct line to the Underground Lair, in fact.

Within seconds the awfully well-spoken cove was on the other end regaling One with tales of a world One would have killed to join.

How interesting and amusing it all sounded, so deploying One’s best voice, One agreed to a picker-nick this very week.

Following the second phone call, One had the distinct ringing of alarm bells up the gusset.  Far too much intimate chat was being bandied in One’s direction and One felt uncomfortable in the extreme.

HE HAS THREE EX FECKING WIVES FOR FECKS SAKE

Not only that, there’s a current one that nips in and out of his gaff William Nilliam.

AND HE ONLY LIVES A WELL AIMED SPIT FROM UNCLE BERT

Would you Christmas Eve it, Dear Reader, One had never even heard of Uffers, and now there’s a double-shag opportunity rearing it’s ugly in the vicinity!

Not that One views Uncle Bert in those terms, but you know what One means.

Any road up, ‘gusset talk’ with a person One has never even met is a serious no no for a person of One’s delicate sensibilities and One fired off an email to curtail the event before things got off terra firma.

One has to say that the response caused One to gasp  and awaken the interest of the WN who made enquiries and offered advice.

‘Don’t be ridiculous’ it said ‘I will be waiting.’

ONE QUIVERS WITH EXCITEMENT AT THE THOUGHT OF SUCH A DOMINATING CHARACTER

BUT

One is required to take Boy to the hospital at the very hour of the tryst, so it could never come to pass anyway.

I think I might get a cat instead.

 

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