Things One should have done yesterday:
Applied for a proper job
finished the ‘embarrassing daub’ of Exmouth Marina
sandblasted the Underground Lair
Things One actually did:
Embarked upon a lengthy email session with the Ravishing Roué
Baked some scones
Went round Joan’s house
When One was eventually interrupted by ‘er from next door One was mid phone call with the RR and still ackled up in me jim jams.
For future reference – When One says 2.30pm One doesn’t actually need to get dressed until 2.25pm
If you don’t want to see me partially clothed, don’t come round, and that includes YOU – Post Person.
Any road up, ‘twas another unsettling day and hence One is sat sitting here at 2.14 am drinking warm milk and honey and evaluating the goings on.
One is currently being actively pursued by, amongst many others I hasten to add, a Roger Whittaker lookalike who One shall be favouring with tea and buns this very Friday afternoon.
I never could stand all that sodding whistling, could you, Dear Reader?
Anyway, every time the RR suggests a tryst One hurriedly agrees to a meeting with any old crusty dollop that’s available so as One isn’t tempted to become involved with someone so clearly unsuitable.
As One explained to him, ‘What One is actually and actively seeking is a decrepit old cove with a willy like an old duffel bag, who would be grateful to be in the position of generally maintaining One and picking up the tab until One snuffs it.’
Obv in return there would be plenty of baked goods and the odd snog.
Whereas if One biffed off to Uffers, as One would actually prefer, One would have a more active wanger to service and lots of empty bottles for recycling.
And anyway it is One’s propensity for unsuitable menfolk that got One in this fecking mess in the first place.
One does admire his persistence and complete disinterest in the word ‘NO’ though.