Jeeeeez! One is really, really BORING!
One shot up (in the truckle bed, not into a vein) last night, having watched the obligatory two eps of Breaking Bad, in the realisation that One is Dull – with a capital Shite!
One had, the other evening, attempted to engage the Wood Nymph in a scintillating conv about hair-fecking-brushes!
What is the problem with One? No wonder the WN slopes off into her room of an evening when all she has to entertain her is the story of One’s three Denman Hairbrushes…
Just in case you are interested, Dear Reader, One’s Nanny bought the first, when One was seven. A wooden handled, bristle brush it was that endured until One reached the ripe old figure of twenty two, if you please!
The latest one, an inferior plastic model with acrylic bristles…. Oh feck! There One goes again!
Any road up, with the doings of Heisenberg echoing in One’s subcon, One is going to embark upon a life of crime to liven things up a bit.
The production of Meth Amphetamine may prove a little beyond One, and The W N has refused point blank to be the dealer, so One is setting up
One will be known as ‘Battenburg’
see above: coffee and walnut gateaux
One will advertise the product as having organic flour and free range eggs (of course)
One will actually be using Lidl, weevil infested flour and eggs from depressed hens kept in cages.
One will claim the coffee is from a Fair Trade collective whilst One will actually buy from a Columbian, moustachio twiddling monster – Ha Ha
Obv One will have to broaden One’s recipe catalogue before commencing to take to the streets with One’s wares.
But watch out Mrs B with yer produce cart…
There’s a new main man in Town!