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Monday, 28 April 2014

In which One is not over ‘Over Totnes two’…

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Following an enquiry at one of One’s galleries the above masterpiece was painted.  It took fecking AGES and measures 2 ft x 3ft.

It wasn’t even commissioned, but was the result of an enquiry which was made by a prospective customer who was going to buy either one of One’s or some other painter.

AS IF THERE ARE OTHER PAINTERS – FER FECK’S SAKE

Any road up since the initial question was posed as

‘Do you have an original of Totnes?’ the answer always has to be a resounding YES YES YES

And forthwith One created one.

Since the gallery would rather burn down than actually pass the query onto the artist, One is compelled to pass the painting on, and despite the likelihood of it hitting the hanging space, One is still charged fifty fecking per cent commission!

With this in mind and given the complexity of the painting One priced it accordingly.  Only to be emailed with the response…

‘Could you confirm the price since that is a lot more than the cost of the paintings you usually send us and it might be a deal breaker.’

One did indeed confirm the price with a proviso that if the commission rate were negotiable, then so was the cost even though the painting is twice the size and complexity of One’s usual doing for them.

An eerie silence has fallen upon the pooter in the Underground Lair…

Maybe One should follow up the last missive with an offer…

‘Perhaps everyone would like to shit upon One from a great height, urinate all over One’s masterpieces and then stab One to death with the pointy end of a paintbrush.’

YOU MAY AS WELL SINCE YOU APPEAR TO THINK ONE IS WORTHLESS

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