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Wednesday, 12 March 2014

In which One accepts the inevitable…

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‘And when she was bad, she was horrid!’

An epiphany has taken place in the previously fantasy controlled world of Lovely One. 

NOTHING REMOTELY NICE IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN TO ONE AGAIN.

One has been labouring under the misapprehension that One could actually enjoy a meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite.

AND YES – before you switch off, Dear Reader, thinking ‘Oh no, she’s off on one again,’

YES – One is off one one again.

For every six or so amusing interludes One feels duty bound to include a soul searching, navel gazing, reality check of downright misery.

With the advent of computer dating sites it is entirely possible for anyone to continue the abject misery of meeting members of the opp for afternoon tea and buns/evening meals and cinema/snogging in car parks/a risk free shag etc…

But, when One has lost One’s looks (yes it was last Tuesday at around 3.25 pm) One shall be for evermore, a lumpy, greying dollop with fat thighs.

Should One have remained in wedlock with vile ex-husband he could remember One when One was young, vivacious and nubile, with long lustrous locks, clear blue eyes, perfect white teeth and an enviable figure. 

Sadly, any old codger/todger who encounters One now will only know the decaying hulk that One sees before One in the mirror.

And (see above) how it all began, sneering from One’s school pic, proving One has always known it would all be a massive disappointment.

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