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Saturday, 1 February 2014

In which One is revolting…

One has had an epiphany.  Not the spirit of the Lord wafting through One or any of that old pavlova, but a general sense of self-worth surging throughout One’s being.

‘Twas the middle of the night when One awoke from a Pinot induced coma and the revelation came upon One.

Let me explain…

One had slaved over a hot Belling for the best part of the day, having paddled up the tarn for organic chocolate, hand fed, minced up cow’s bottom and all the attendant fripperies that One has to acquire in order to knock up a supper splendide.

Boy and Vile ex Husband were cordially invited to squizz the Weeny Woodturner.  They stayed approximately six times longer than when they front up for a free scoff when One is One’s lonesome.

Vile ex Husband did his usual impersonation of a love struck teenager and One was on the point of prodding his drooling tongue back in his gob on more than one occasion.  Even Boy piped up that he would pursue the Petite Pine Prodder if he was that way inclined.

One was merely attendant to dole out the chilli and brownies.

Upon their departure, the Little Lodger informed One that she thought the pair of them were particularly ‘cold’ to One and whilst this could be attributed to the fact that Vile ex Husband is, indeed ex, it could not be excused by Boy.


One is no longer going to debase Oneself on the alter of the dirty duo and make Oneself available for washing, ironing, feeding and spare cash whenever they want.