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Friday, 29 November 2013

In which One is expected to DRIVE TO BRISTOL… if you ever did!!

Now look!  I know you selfish little articles only read me to laugh at my sad doings, but One has noticed a severe drop off in readers of late. And for that matter a distinct lack of comments.  Do you think One does this for One’s own benefit?  One is selfless in the reporting of even the most trivial of One’s doings.  However, One is entirely certain that this lack of adoration from you, my subjects,  is as a result of One not being…


Seeking the company of elderly duffel bag owners

Not reporting the dastardly deeds of Uncle Bert

And generally living the life expected of a Dowager Duchess

Well – SOZ in the extreme


News reaches One that Uncle Bert has been unable to shake off his siege mentality and is still frequenting the cash and carry for shed loads of dirty food and taking advantage of bulk buying from some downmarket online emporium called seductively, ‘Wowcher.’

An email from his man cave informs One that his latest bargain buy has been a two-bedroom bungalow sized container of toiley-boiley-tissue.

Quite where this Bonanza of Bronco is going to be stored is beyond One.

On One’s visit to the aforementioned Man Cave, One couldn’t help but remark upon the unusually large collection of six sizes too small football shirts which have  to be preserved for some obscure reason.  There is also a worrying enormous gathering of resin skulls (One kids you not) displayed on an inferior Argos style cabinet that wouldn’t get house room in the Underground Lair.

And there in the midst of all this is the hound, scratching and flicking fur all over the establishment whilst Uncle Bert, shirtless and (no doubt) commando sits in state on a mound of porous bog roll.

Still, at least he won’t have to get up from watching the football to go toiley boiley.




There had better be chocolate involved



1 comment:

alan taylor said...

I remain wedded to your doings oh goddess of paint and pen, I spit on those who choose not to adore your doings as like what I do.