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Thursday, 21 November 2013

In which One has the wrong sized aperture…

What is it with my frame supplier?  Every time One receives an order there is something awry!  This time the mount aperture is between 5.5 ins and 6ins when it should be 5ins.

In the grand scheme of things, Dear Reader, you may consider this a mere blip.  I know, I know there are poor little donkeys being worked to death and bears in cages, to say nothing of a squillion Africans in desp requirement for medication and clean water, but spare a thought for Lovely One with the wrong sized aperture.

‘You should have checked the order as soon as it came,’ was the helpful response from the first unlucky sap One moaned at.

WHY – WHY should One have to check the fecking order?  One ordered exactly what they proffer and exactly what One required.  Have these eejits got no quality control?  Obv not!

This set back in me Christmas deliveries has left One in a right two and eight and in dire need of a large quantity of Pinot G.


One is launching One’s Christmas Appeal…

Never mind sending two quid to a scabby donkey.  Set up a monthly payment to the Lovely One Christmas Fund.  After all, it looks as if One will be spending a lonely Yuletide on One’s own in the Underground Lair.

Hang on though…

No Aged P farting along with Silent Night…

No Uncle Bert going commando at Midnight Mass…

No Vile Ex-Husband making the sitting room look untidy with his Worzel Gummidge couture…

Just One, a giant tin of Quality Street, a vat of Pinot and the TV remote all to myself.

Sounds good!

But sent money anyway.

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