Just when One is feeling down in the Dumpley-Umpley-Umpletons some blithering eejit pops into One’s life and cheers One up no end!
In this hilarious instance it was in the shape of Boy and Vile-ex-Husband.
Boy, who for some reason, has been mistaken for le chat and been prescribed a ‘pussy-cat pick-me-up’ for his delicate disposition has taken to clawing the Chesterfield, licking his own smedley-botham and sleeping curled up on a towel next to the bathroom radiator, daned to visit his Dear Mama, but not without the insurance of having Vile-ex-Husband in tow.
The addition of V-ex-H, One assumes, is in order that Mama isn’t too intrusive into Boy’s doings and doesn’t probe too deeply into off limits areas.
Any road up, without the spotlight on Boy, One felt the need to interrogate V-ex-H.
One begun with the innocent enquiry…
‘How are thing in Maison Snaggle Toothed Troll?’
This was met with a one word answer, but soon, having imbibed a goodly amount of One’s Pinot G, V-ex-H was loose lipped re: Dizzy or Dirty or whatever it’s name is.
Apparently the amour has driven a wedge twixt The Snaggle Toothed Troll and Dirty, since Dirty is the former friend of the aforementioned and was introduced to V-ex-H by her.
HA HA FECKING HA – EAT MY SOILED SLOGGIS – YOU GRUBBY LITTLE GNOME
Any road up…
Dirty had taken V-ex-H to a Badger Camp to protest about the cull. Gawd knows how she managed to get that great streak outside on a chilly eve, it was as much as One could do to coax him into the outdoors in the midst of summer.
They had dug their way out of Dirty’s lair (lives like Mr Trebus) and taken to the road with a donkey, no less.
One would have paid a fair few of the Queen’s shillings to have been able to look upon Vile-ex-Husband sitting round the campfire with Swampy et al. In fact One moistened me gusset with mirth at the very thought of the dozy great streak mixing with alternative persons.