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Saturday, 19 October 2013

In which One’s Twinkle is all strudel…

‘Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the bla bla…’

Harvest fest begins at 11.00 hours…

One has all the required accoutrement for the removal of any super-floo-us covering and the disguise of any imperfections…

1    Prune Juice and psyllium husk – check

2    Catering pack of ‘root re-cover’ – check

3    Multi purpose waxed strips – check

4    Tweezerman tweezers back from recalibration – check

5     Invisible, no rustle Tena Lady big pants – check

Obv this isn’t because One is meeting the Jolly Tall, Well Spoken, Elderly Gentleman in the Bear tomorrow at midday.  Oh no, One now devotes at least one weekend out of four to the constant battle against the Japanese Knot Weed sprouting out of One’s chin and the general maintenance of the greying, pastry, lumpen dollop that One’s body has become.

Any road up, all going well until the ‘Home Brazilian’ kit was deployed…

1     Slathered on the hot wax

2     Waited a minute…

3     ‘Tauten skin and rip paper off’


Nothing down there, or anywhere else for that matter, has been even approaching ‘Taut’ since 19 sodding 79.

Have been hauling at it for the passing of a number of moons and all that is happening is that One’s Twinkle department resembles the general thickness and surface area of a large strudel pastry!!

Still, every cloud an’ all that…

At least it’s getting a bit nippy so One will be able to disguise any excess by tucking it into the top of me Uggs!

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