So, here One is, 2.38am, and dans le oak panelled office, deep in the underground lair, scoffing big fat raspberries straight out of the Waitrose plastic box.
There must be a name for the ‘must inhale vast quantities of soft fruits’ syndrome from which Lovely One is suffering. Who knows? Who bla bla…? Anyway, rather than shuffling around the scented satins on the truckle bed, One is partaking of the British raspberries ‘grown with care for the environment by farmer’s who share our values.’ Well that’s what is says on the box – V. worthy! One thinks. Sadly not worthy enough to remove the leaves from the container and dispatch the SPIDER (living) that One very nigh shoved in me gob!
Any road up, am positively seeeeeething and reeeeling from a comment passed by a customer today.
‘Oooh your work is very much like J.T.’s. Have you come across her?’
‘COME ACROSS HER. COME A-FECKING-CROSS HER?'
Let me explain…
Not content with being biffed out of a gallery in her locale for not attributing her work to Michael Morgan, the stealthy little article came into a previous incarnation of Red Hat and bought one of One’s.
Now, I know that we all ‘steal’ or ‘get ideas’ as One likes to call it, from one another, but this particular paintress goes in more for the style of tippexing out the signature and replacing it with her own! Well, for all the original thought she puts into the mimicking she may as well!
Any road up, not long after the purchase, many moons ago, Princess P had made the very same comparison, in passing, rendering Lovely One a seething mass of putrid, heliotrope, shuddering lard!
‘I THINK YOU’LL FIND – HER WORK IS THE SAME AS MINE!’ I replied then and similarly today, when posed with the same enquiry.
‘Ooooh, I think I may have said the wrong thing,’ mooted the customer, as Lovely One began her usual diatribe, completely forgetting that One is a benign, smiling, accommodating fluffy bunny, during opening hours.
Rescuing the situation with a modicum of humour, (that always does the trick), One was informed of the recent illness of the aforementioned thieving, forging, never had an original idea, cheating, sly, treacherous bint. That information almost (only ALMOST, mind) made Lovely One feel a tad contrite.
BUT – NOT QUITE
‘Twould appear the fiendish old harridan is taking part in Somerset Arts Week, which One wasn’t going to bother with – UNTIL NOW
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!